I'm a Hazard to Myself
by Shibalyfe
Summary: Snape pushes Lily away. Written for The Houses Competition: Y2R7.


House: Gryffindor

Position: Prefect 1 stand-in

Category: Short

Prompt: [Song Prompt] Don't let me get me - P!nk

Word Count: 1984 words, excluding header, author notes, and title.

Beta: CK

A/N: This was written for The Houses Competition, Y2R7.

I'm a Hazard to Myself

Snape had always been an outcast, you would think that he was used to it by now. His father hated him and blamed him for his mother's death. He often took his anger out on young Severus until he started showing signs of magic, then he began to ignore him completely. This often resulted in Severus having to beg for food, wearing clothes that were too big for him, and altogether avoiding his home to stay out of his father's wrath. It was amazing how one death could affect a person's life. His father had loved him once, he was sure of it. He remembered times, long ago, when they used to picnic in the backyard. They didn't have much but they had each other, that was what his mother used to always say. It seemed his dad had forgotten that saying the day that she had died.

While Severus could hate his father for many things, he had never hated him for the shack that they had lived. He had always worried that his father would have wanted to move after his mother died, but luckily he had not wanted to forget the memory of Eileen. He could often be found sitting on her favorite bench, talking to no one but the wind. Many of the villagers, avoided the Snape family with their deranged head of the house and his son who never went inside and often looked like a wild animal, hair greasy and clothes covered in dirt. Yes, everyone avoided him, except for Lily Evans.

He ought to thank his father really, for never moving, for never wanting Snape near him, and for forgetting to feed him, because it was thanks to him that Lily Evans came into his life.

* * *

Snape had been climbing trees at the edge of the village when he first saw her. He was dangling from a tree branch ready to jump down when she finally noticed him.

"Do you need help?" She had asked, her sweet voice rang like bells in his ear.

"No!" Snape snapped back, he didn't need anyone, he could look out for himself, he had been since he was five.

Lily walked closer to him, her red hair blowing in the breeze and her smile lighting up her whole face.

"You're silly," she had giggled, "What are you doing up there anyway?"

"I was watching," he said gruffly.

"Watching what?"

"Everyone, everything. The town, it just moves on without me."

"Why would you want to watch the town living without you?" She questioned, her face was scrunched up in confusion.

"You wouldn't understand," Snape sighed as he finally dropped to the ground.

"Try me." She challenged.

"I just often think about how insignificant my life is. No one would notice if I wasn't around, no one needs me. I just wish I was somebody else sometimes. I probably would have already left but I'm waiting until I get my… well until I turn eleven, everything will be better then."

"Well," Lily huffed, "I would certainly miss you now that I've met you! I'm Lily Evans by the way."

"I'm Severus."

Her eyes lit up and her smile widened even further.

* * *

From that day forward they were inseparable. They played almost every day together. They would run through the woods, her giggles filling the air. He would teach her about magic while they would picnic in her backyard. For the first time in a long while, Snape felt like he was worth something.

* * *

"Severus!" Lily called as she ran to catch up with him, "How did you do on the charms essay we worked on?"

"Hello, Lily!" Severus smiled down at her, "I did great, thanks to you!"

"Aww," said a voice behind them. "Snivilus needs help for a simple little charm essay, isn't that the cutest Sirius?"

"Soo…sweet!" Sirius mocked.

James had slithered up next to Lily and put his arm around her shoulders, "Lily, why don't you ditch this loser and hang out with us?"

"No, thanks!" Lily seethed as she shrugged his arm from off her shoulders.

"But Lily…" James began to whine before Snape cut him off.

"She said no!" He shouted at them.

He tried to place himself in front of Lily to protect her but she put out an arm to stop him.

"Aww isn't it cute when Snivilus tries to defend you. You think you're going to be her knight in

shining armor? With all that grease… the helmet would slide right off." James chuckled.

Sirius pushed him from behind causing him to trip and land on his knees, his books sliding across the stone floors. The two-boy's laughter echoing down the corridor.

Lily instantly reached her hand out to help him up.

"I'll talk to them," She said quietly.

"I don't need your help!" He said pushing her hand away.

* * *

Snape had always been picked on for being different. He had a large, hooked nose and naturally oily hair. He had a nasally voice that always seemed to draw people's attentions. He had thought Hogwarts would be different. He had thought he would make friends but he had been sorted into Slytherin, where his status as a half-blood was just another reason to make fun of him.

He was the main target for the 'Gryffindor Gang' and often found himself on the other side of a hex or a charm, sometimes even a fist. He did everything he could to defend himself, but four against one, were not favorable odds. When he did manage to get the best of them, Lily often yelled at him.

"An eye for an eye will just leave the world blind!" she would tell him.

He needed more powerful friends if he wanted to stay sane in the school and Slytherins looked out for each other. That was how he found himself in the middle of the Slytherin common rooms, spewing obscenities with the rest of the Slytherins.

"They are all Filthy Little Mudbloods!" a young boy with brown hair stated, "My father told me they are gonna get rid of them! Once he rises to power, they are goners!"

"Good!" Another boy shouted, "They deserve it. They're the scum of the earth."

"Do you want to see a hex my father taught me?" Another man asked eagerly.

They all nodded in agreement. A green light bust forth and a classmate's rat was dead in the center of the circle.

Snape stared amazed, to have that kind of power, that would get Potter and his gang to leave him alone. He was going to have to change the quiet studious boy he was known to be, but the advantage of new, powerful friends would be worth it. What had being quiet and smart gotten him anyway? It gave him a target on his back and if he was constantly going to be in fights, he at least wanted to win them. Yes, changing himself, would be worth it.

* * *

Snape immersed himself into the Dark Arts. All of his time was spent studying, creating, and scheming with his new Slytherin friends. He had created several new hexes that would surely case Potter some damage.

He had seen Lily hanging out with him more and he couldn't wait to show her how much better he was then Potter, how much better he could protect her then the likes of him. This would be his chance to finally win her over.

When he told Lily she had been horrified.

"Severus, why would you want to do that to someone? Hurting someone for fun is awful. Ever since you started hanging out with those people...! You don't have to be friends with them just because they are in your house. I..I can try to make you more of a priority, I'm sorry I haven't already, but you are so much better than this. Don't use it, please Severus."

"Lily, it's an amazing hex! Aren't you even a little impressed?" he said as he grabbed for her arm, but she flinched back.

Her eyes pierced his and he could see the worry and fear in them, which only angered him.

"Lily," he snapped out again, but she only shook her said sadly.

Her eyes welled with tears and she slowly backed away from him, "I don't even recognize you anymore, Severus. You're changing, into something mean and dark. I don't even know who you are anymore."

He instantly felt his body begin to shake with rage. Maybe if she had spent more time with him she would know who he was. Maybe if she hadn't been spending so much time with Potter she would still know who he was. He slammed a fist against the wall next to her head. Her eyes widened.

"Well, what do I care if you know me? You're just a filthy Mudblood!"

Lily's jaw fell open and her eyes instantly filled with tears, "Don't you ever talk to me again, Severus Snape!"

She ran down the hallway, her hurried footsteps echoing the beating of his heart. Maybe she was right, he didn't recognize who he was anymore, either.

* * *

He slammed his fist in the mirror, disgusted with his reflection. He had been trying to apologize to Lily for days but she refused to acknowledge him. Anytime he even got close to her she just looked right through him, like he no longer existed.

How could he be so stupid to say that? He didn't blame Lily for not wanting to be his friend anymore, he wouldn't want to be his own friend either. He was mad at himself, he had lost the only thing that had ever mattered to him and now she was gone forever.

He ran out of the bathroom and into the Great Hall. He didn't want to stare at his broken reflection anymore.

He could see her across the hall, laughing at something that Potter had said. His arm was slung around her and she was nuzzled into him. He had overheard from another Gryffindor, in their shared Transfiguration class, that James had found her crying in a broom closet and stayed with her until her tears subsided, comforting her through most of the night. Snape hadn't had to receive an 'O' to understand he was the reason she had been crying.

That was the final nail in the coffin. He had thought he had found a way to destroy Potter but instead he had brought them together and destroyed his chances with Lily and in turn, destroyed himself.

Her melodically laughter rang across the great hall again echoing in his ears, a taunt, each giggle a direct stab to his heart. He was never supposed to get the girl. He wasn't Perfect Potter, he didn't win house cups or come in first place in Quidditch.

For the first time, he was jealous of Potter. He wondered what it felt like to have his arms around Lily, to hold her, wipe away her tears. Honestly, what he wouldn't give to be anyone else right now. To have just a day in the life of someone else, anyone else that Lily actually looked at and not just saw straight through. Heck, he would give everything even to be the Pettigrew rat, if it would give him the chance to just sit and talk with her, laugh with her, or be on the receiving end of her smile one more time.

"Severus, did you hear us?" one of his classmates asked.

Snape quickly turned to survey the group of boys around him.

"Hmm?" He questioned.

"Tonight, we are sneaking out. My father told me about a ritual that is being performed tonight to show servitude to the Dark Lord, we are going, you in?"

Severus took one last look at Lily before nodding his head.

"Yes."

What did he have to lose?


End file.
